A to Z Challenge Letter D: Doubts

People sometimes ask if I ever regretted moving to the United States. I can say with confidence that I have not regretted my move once, not for a second. Now, I had doubts! Doubts about moving so far away from my family, doubts about having chosen the city of Los Angeles, doubts about studying photography and doubts about quitting studying, and so on.

Half of my flight over to Los Angeles back in 1999 I spent in tears! I never told anyone, so this is a pretty big admission. I was so scared and filled with doubts. I acted all tough and courageous to the outside world, but on the inside I was terrified and almost wished I could reverse my decision and chicken out. But something made me keep going, a deeper knowledge and understanding.

The first night in Los Angeles was a sleepless one. Partly due to jet lag of course, but I was also again filled with doubts. I had seen a few possible places to live that day and to be frank, they were all simply awful! Even the motel I stayed at was bad, kind of seedy. I started to doubt that I had hired the right housing assistance service and I started to doubt that Los Angeles was the place for me. I got up really early in the morning to a balmy 70 degrees in December. That kind of made me feel better.

Then I found the room in Santa Monica, 5 blocks from the beach. The house was a bright old craftsman cottage, my room had two big windows, a huge closet, the bathroom right outside the door. And the family subletting the room even had a dog! It was perfect! The doubts about L.A. and the housing service vanished into thin air. The tears that I shed on the plane were forgotten.



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