Back in the day I loved dancing and parties, loud music and lots and lots of hoopla, like any ordinary young person does. I couldn’t wait for the weekends, when my girlfriends and I would go dance the nights away. I didn’t like being alone and I was afraid of the dark. Whenever my parents would go away with their trailer, I would be really excited until the night fell, then the excitement would change to a low-grade anxiety over being alone in the house.

Today I took the dogs on a long hike through the local forest and it was so peaceful and quiet. All the noises I could hear were from Mother Nature, birds in the bushes, the wind in the trees, the murmurs of little creeks and streams. That’s when it struck me that now I actually prefer the quiet, and I revel in being alone, in peace and serenity. Now I actively search out quiet and solitude the way I used to search out company and commotion when I was younger. It’s like I found the polar opposite of me since moving to the island. My soul sighs in relief when I find that little piece of serenity on my walks.

I am not afraid of the dark anymore either, now it feels like a safe cocoon. I don’t mind taking the dogs out at night with nothing but the small porch light on. I look up at the twinkling stars and listen to the noises of night-active animals out in the woods surrounding our home. It makes me feel happy.

As I walked today I pondered that discovery about myself and I wondered what triggered the 180 degree change in me. Is it simply maturity and age? Or is it the environment I live in? Or could it be something that was planted in me while I was a small child? As a young child I was a bit of a loner. According to my Mom, I could amuse myself for hours just playing by myself. Then when puberty hit I constantly searched out friends and companionship and didn’t like to do things on my own anymore. That’s also when the anxiety about being in the dark started.

I think this is something I will simply never quite figure out and there really is no reason to do so. I just take comfort in the fact that I discovered something pretty powerful and profound about myself today and now I can consciously use it to move forward into my future.




2 thoughts on “Serenity

  1. I can relate, I think with age and overcoming our fears our thoughts change. My daughter loved scary movies when she was younger, but she always got scared at night. She still doesn’t like to be alone at night. I tried to keep her from watching, but she would sneak and do it anyways.


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