This past two weeks have been a rollercoaster ride, from elated to destroyed in seconds and right back up. I had to step back from everything, sewing, writing, knitting, reading even concentrating on a movie didn’t quite do a thing. My mind was filled with questions, doubts and also ideas or where my life is going and where it should be.
Dreams, not all good, were haunting me at night, lingering into the days. Moments filled with love and hate, terror and joy, laughter and screams, valuable insights and abstract ideas. I am tired of the darkness of winter.
Today I did land-mine control in our yard. Not too worry, nothing explosive, just picking up our dog’s droppings from the last few days. We jokingly call them land-mines, and my feet will find them without a fail, especially in the dark of the night. There under one of our big trees I noticed something bright green sprouting! I looked closer and let out a joyful holler. Daffodils!!! Spring is near!
It yanked me out of the funk I have been in. No matter how much I decide that I won’t end up there, every winter it comes to visit, right when the end is near. It comes out of left field and hits me smack in the face. It sticks itself on every surface of my body, leaving zits and rashes, heart palpitations, stomach aches, migraines and sinus infections in its wake. And with all that comes that mandatory evaluation of my life. The depression and anxiety that I worked so hard all summer to get under control.
Maybe the secret is to just let go. Forget about making sense, strive to be abstract and weird. Stop trying so hard to control everything. Just take it day by day. Quit that job that makes me miserable and trust that the Universe will provide. Let the freak flag fly! And be okay with the fact that not everyone will like me! But have faith that the people most important to my journey will stick around and love me for exactly who I am and what I do.
Let go of the darkness and re-emerge into the light! Isn’t that what Spring is all about!