Overwhelmed

I got up this morning like any other day, but I instantly knew that it would be one of those days. My breathing, my heartbeat, every cell of my body does what they need to do without me having to think about it, it’s all automatic. My mind, my thoughts, my emotions on the other hand are sometimes so hard to control. I wake up with terror in my bones, with a feeling of having lost something along the way. With the knowing that I am not living up to what I am supposed to be, what my purpose in life is. But still, I get up and go about my day, on auto-pilot, looking fine on the outside. If you were to meet me at the Market or on the street you wouldn’t know any better. You would see me, see my smile, see the bounce in my step. Only if you took the time to look close, real close, you would notice that the smile doesn’t extend to my eyes, that my real spark didn’t light in the morning, that I am terrified of it all! And I know I am not the only one, I know there are more people just like me out there. I know that it gets too much for them as well, to the point where you cannot watch the news, cannot check your Facebook feed and see another picture of an abused animal, cannot handle someone else’s pain. When it all multiplies and accumulates until it feels like the misery is coming out of everyone of your pores. When you cry a river of pain, sometimes quietly so no one would know.
Today is that kind of a day, where I am overwhelmed by it all, overwhelmed by life itself. But I know that tomorrow will be a new day, a new chance, a whole new awakening. And that gives me the hope to carry on.dsc_0068

Automatic

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